Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance
This article’s title is a partial quote of Thomas Merton (1915 ~ 1968), a Trappist monk who was a major contributor to modern Roman Catholic thought. The full quotation is as follows: "Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony."
Did you ever feel like a tightrope walker trying to keep your balance as you follow your life path? Pope John Paul II describes the feeling: "Man always travels along precipices. His truest obligation is to keep his balance." You see, we take on many roles in life, each of which allows us to express a different dimension of our being. It is these separate roles that need to be balanced. Here are some examples. If you are doing well in your career, but your family is complaining that you’re not spending enough time with them, your life needs balancing. If it is not only your career, but also your body size that is ballooning, your lifestyle needs balancing. Finally, if you get to prove your skill in chess, bridge, or mahjong every night, but have no time to fix the leaky faucet, mow the lawn, or clean the garage — your life needs balancing.
There are two main ways to balance life. Since life coexists with time, the first way to balance life is to balance time. To learn how to develop your time management skills, there is no finer book than "The 10 Natural Laws of Successful Time and Life management" by Hyrum W. Smith (Warner Books, 1994). The second way to balance life is by balancing our attitude, perspective, or worldview. And we do that by avoiding extremes and taking the middle path. For instance, extreme political views, whether to the right or left, are divisive, but moderate or centrist views are unifying.
We move ahead in life by setting goals and we live a balanced life by setting goals for all our roles. Let’s start by looking at our major roles in life and follow that by steps we can take to get better balance. CAREER: provides us with the opportunity to earn income, express our personality, and develop our potential. FAMILY: provides us with the chance to express love, assume and share responsibility, and contribute to society. SPIRITUALITY: an opportunity to tap into a power greater than ourselves and a source of inspiration. An appreciation of morality, the arts, wonder, awe, and nature will heighten our awareness of the spiritual dimension. FRIENDS: an opportunity to practice sharing and caring, as well as baring our soul. SOLITUDE: quiet time to recharge our batteries, meditate, and make plans. Also, a time to work on improving our emotional and intellectual development. A time set aside to work on self-improvement. FINANCIAL: here’s where we plan for the purchase of a car, home ownership, family vacations, and a retirement income. LEISURE: fun and recreation release steam and provide opportunities to socialize and develop new skills. HEALTH: an important component of mind, body, and spirit balance. Exercise, a proper diet, and sufficient sleep are the ingredients to success in this area.
Now, for some steps you can take to increase the balance in your life. 1) List your various roles and show by percentage how successful you think you are in fulfilling that role. For example, CAREER, 80%; FAMILY, 60%; HEALTH, 40%, and so on. Bringing the present state of imbalance into your awareness is the first step in changing the situation for the better. The areas with the lowest percentage are the areas that need the most work. The areas with the highest percentage show where you are devoting most of your time.
2) Decide how you can divert time from high percentage areas to low percentage areas. As an example, you may want to divert time from your CAREER to your FAMILY. You can do this by eliminating wasted time, developing your time (life) management skills, working more efficiently, and wresting control of your job rather than letting it control you.
3) Whenever possible, perform several roles at once. For example, if your family joins friends for a volleyball game at the park, you can fulfil several roles at once: LEISURE, FAMILY, FRIENDS, HEALTH (exercise), and SPIRITUALITY (by getting in touch with nature and enjoying a sunset in the park). Moreover, if your friend is from work, you would also develop your CAREER role as well.
4) Take control of your life by making deliberate choices. Carefully weigh the costs of living with imbalance. Take corrective action where necessary, and regularly monitor and fine-tune your progress.
5) Remember, we are all unique. It is unreasonable to expect everyone to perfectly balance each role in life. After all, part of our uniqueness lies in how we interpret what roles are the most important to us. Great artists, for example, may be consumed by their craft, spending little time elsewhere. Yes, their lives are imbalanced, but of great value to society. So, the important lesson is not about balancing our lives perfectly, but about balancing them in a manner that best expresses our potential and role on earth.
6) Follow the simple laws of BE, DO, and HAVE. You’ve got to BE self-disciplined to DO the necessary steps to balance your life. And when you do so, you will HAVE balance, peace, and contentment.
7) Here is some good advice taken from "How to Be a Happy Parent...In Spite of Your Children," written by Fred G. Gosman, "Finding the perfect balance is getting harder and harder. We need to teach our children to be cautious without imparting fear, to learn right from wrong without being judgmental, to be assertive but not pushy, to stick to routines without sacrificing spontaneity, and to be determined but not stubborn."
What happens if you’re on a plane with your child and oxygen masks suddenly pop in front of both of you? The answer is, put on your mask first, then your child’s. After all, an unconscious parent is no help to a child. Because we can not help others until we help ourselves, it is important to balance our lives. It is only after doing so that we can maximize our contribution to our family, friends, and society. How do you know when your life is balanced? If you can die today, contented with your life, it is balanced!
After this let’s have a look on how we can balance our life and the work:
Top 10 Ways to Balance Life and Work
Committed fathers love spending time with their children, but with today’s pressures of work and other priorities, it can be challenging to find ways to make quality and quantity time with the kids. Here are some important resources for fathers to help make more time, and better time, with the family.
1. Pace Yourself
Four of my five children have been cross country runners in middle school and high school (the other one is into competitive ballroom dance). All of them have learned the importance of pacing to maximize their effectiveness. The same rules apply in life as we work to make time for all of our important priorities.
2. Say No to the Unimportant
One of my favorite stories from management guru and mentor Stephen Covey is about the gracious way his wife has learned to say “no” to the mountain of requests she gets to help with worthy causes. Learn ways to set priorities on the things that matter most and to say “no” to the things that matter least.
3. Take Care of Yourself: Health and Wellness Tips for Dads
Sometimes, the things that suffer in our busy lives have to do with our own personal health. Fast food, while a convenient time saver, can lead to weight and health problems. Find out the keys to improving and maintaining your personal health and wellness.
4. Get a Checkup
Speaking of the importance of health and wellness to finding balance in your life, it’s important to stay in touch with your physician as well. Check our checkups calendar to see if it is time for a physical, and what kinds of questions and tests you should anticipate and expect.
5. Stop Being A Workaholic
If you have already found yourself in an addictive pattern with your job, it is time to get out of that habit and commit more time at home. Learn the warning signs of workaholism and the best ways to climb out of that rut and find yourself at home more.
6. Simplify Your Life
Life tends to get pretty complex, especially for fathers trying to balance so many demands. I was inspired recently by a friend and his wife who set about to simplify their lives and to make more time for the things that were really important to them. This article talks about the whys and hows of getting back to a simpler approach to daily living.
7. Find a Family Friendly Workplace
I am always inspired when I read about workplaces that recognize that their employees are real people with real needs—that they are “humans” not just “human resources.” Find out how to identify and select an employer which will be friendly to your family commitments.
8. Eat Together
We have always tried in our family to make sure we eat at least one meal a day together. It doesn’t always work, but we try hard. Learn more about the benefits and methods for making a mealtime together work for your family.
9. Join a Fathers’ Support Group
Feeling like you need a little emotional support or connection with other dads? Being a part of a fathers’ group can help you find ideas for better balancing demands and reducing the stress of parenthood.
10. Start Having Family Night
For many years, our family has set aside one night a week to be together—no interruptions, no excuses. We have modified work schedules, set aside other demands and spent the evening together. Find out why the family night concept works and how to make it happen in your family.
A Quantitative view to one’s Work / Life balance
Is Your Life in Balance?
Work/Life Balance Quiz
Everyone faces the issue of time management at one point or another, but as more and more people deal with working at one or more jobs, fighting long commutes, managing a household, attending school or other training, raising one or more children, responding to increasing work and time pressures of the shrinking workplace, and dealing with aging parents, the days often seem to last long into the night and vacation and leisure time seem to be consumed with issues other than relaxation and personal fulfillment.
In fact, a recent study of more than 50,000 employees from a variety of manufacturing and service organizations found that two out of every five employees are dissatisfied with the balance between their work and their personal lives. The lack of balance “is due to long work hours, changing demographics, more time in the car, the deterioration of boundaries between work and home, and increased work pressure,” says the study’s author, Bruce Katcher, president of the Discovery Group, a management consulting firm.
How much is work invading your personal life, and how much of your personal life is affected by the stress of trying to balance all the many responsibilities in your life? Take our Work/Life Balance Quiz and see for yourself.
Directions: Answer true or false to each statement below.
- I find myself spending more and more time on work-related projects.
True
False - I often feel I don’t have any time for myself -- or for my family and friends.
True
False - No matter what I do, it seems that often every minute of every day is always scheduled for something.
True
False - Sometimes I feel as though I've lost sight of who I am and why I chose this job/career.
True
False - I can’t remember the last time I was able to find the time to take a day off to do something fun -- something just for me.
True
False - I feel stressed out most of the time.
True
False - I can’t even remember the last time I used all my allotted vacation and personal days.
True
False - It sometimes feels as though I never even have a chance to catch my breath before I have to move on to the next project/crisis.
True
False - I can’t remember the last time I read -- and finished -- a book that I was reading purely for pleasure.
True
False - I wish I had more time for some outside interests and hobbies, but I simply don’t.
True
False - I often feel exhausted -- even early in the week.
True
False - I can’t remember the last time I went to the movies or visited a museum or attended some other cultural event.
True
False - I do what I do because so many people (children, partners, parents) depend on me for support.
True
False - I’ve missed many of my family’s important events because of work-related time pressures and responsibilities.
True
False - I almost always bring work home with me.
True
False
After completing this questionnaire one can easily access how much their work life is balanced.
Here is software which can help you to stay organized and making your work life easier
Download Life Balance at http://www.llamagraphics.com/downloads/start/windows.php
Life gets really busy. Every day there are conflicting demands on your time from work, family, and half a dozen other sources.
How do you achieve a lifestyle that works for you?
Life Balance™ is personal coaching software that helps you to decide what to work on, so that you can put your effort into the goals, projects and tasks that really matter to you.
Benefits:
- Get Organized — goals are easy to break down into projects and tasks
- Prioritize — know your time is well spent where it will count the most
- Be Flexible — get started quickly, then move, add and revise details as projects evolve
- Get Realtime Feedback — to do list changes dynamically in response to what you get done
- Stay Focused — long term goals don't get lost in the shuffle
- Be Efficient — routines schedule themselves and patterns are easy to change
- Relax — carve out time in the most hectic schedules to relax and have more fun
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